Too much has changed.

My family has a history with GD and yes, unfortunately I was diagnosed with GD at the age of 16 yrs old. I was badly affected by this illness, I can still remember those feelings while typing this post. This illness has been taking a ton on me since 16, too much side effects even if I was under medication. I experienced hands tremor, bulging eyes, heart palpitations, irregular heartbeat, enlargement of your thyroid gland and many more.. I was getting slightly better when I first visited my first Endocrinologist, Dr Gwee, who is my mom's doctor up to date. I put on so much weight and my face was as round as the moon, totally two different persons compared to the photo taken for my IC.

I felt so inferior with my appearance, so insecure to the stage that I don't even have the courage to fall in love with someone. Hey c'mon, everyone in the world judge each other with their appearance therefore who am I to love someone when myself has alot of flaws in additional with my illness.

I had hiccups along the way while trying to get my GD treated when it started to go haywire. I was advised not to go under the knife because I was too young. But surgery was the only choice when this illness goes out of hand. One of those random days,  my mom bought a Health & Fitness magazine about GD and this was how I found my current Endocrinologist, Dr Chia Su Ynn, she was pretty experience dealing with GD and she was kind of famous in this field. Booked an appointment with her and told her about my situation. As for my circumstances, she suggested I should choose surgery since my illness had gone out of control.

After so many years of suffering, this year March I finally had my entire gland removed. Everyone was asking me how was I feeling when lying on the operation table. 'I wasn't feeling anything, yes, nothing.' this was exactly how I replied. My replied may sounded kind of rude but this was exactly how I was feeling. I felt no fear when I was in the operation theatre because I always wanted to get rid of my affected gland. This was exactly what I wished for since I got striked by this illness, you can never imagined how much I wanted to get rid of it. I doubt nobody can really understand.

I remember asking one of my friends who was going to get herself inked.

Me: Are you serious to get yourself ink? Its going to be real painful man.

R: You won't feel the pain because all along this was what you wanted.

-

Yea, I can finally understand how she feels. Being so determined to the point that you aren't afraid of the pain you are going to face.

I heard quite a few comments made by my friends and relatives ever since I got my gland removed. Yes, I know my appearance was slightly changed to a better stage when my eyes are not as bulging as before and some changes which I have no idea how to put it in words. 

This illness has caused me to changed so much- from character to appearance. I know how much I have changed. And at least I embrace the changes in my life and in me. Highs and lows are a part of the process. These feelings have been described as waves that sweep in uncontrollably.

I don't know what triggered me to post my own fear in this space.  Have a good weekend ahead(:

Daddy's day.

Happy birthday, Daddy!

Celebrated Daddy's birthday @ Paradise Inn on Tuesday. Happy birthday, Daddy! Me love you forever ♥♥♥♥

Back to space (II)

Chloe & I

Hi readers! I always wanted to blog about my recent life but somehow I got stuck whenever I come to this page, totally have no idea whats wrong with me either. Fine, I told myself I must come up with a post by hook or by crook. Haha so here I am, blogging.

Life has been hectic these days. I just got transferred to a new department, Retail Ticketing. I got transferred for pathetic 4 times - First: C&DMC, Second: Marketing, Third: Assisting Director of Sales & Fourth: Retail Ticketing. I guess this Travel Agency which Im currently serving internship at has some serious problem with their management. Whatever it is I swear Im not coming back to this damn company. I CAN'T WAIT FOR 29 JUNE 2012! FREAKING CAN'T WAIT!!!

Back to space (I)

Hi guys! Im finally back to blog. This space looks extremely dead so here's the little update about my current life after so long.

Im currently serving my internship at some random travel agencies. I guess is not very nice for me to disclose which company am I currently serving but well.. it is located at Chinatown. Haha have fun guessing:) I can still remember how much I complained/grumbling to my Mom about this internship because I couldn't get use to working life plus I only get one day off per week! Like seriously pathetic shit man. Tour consultant fucking leads a pathetic life man. Working hours are from 10am-7-pm for Mon-Friday and 10am-6pm for Sat & Sun.

I was then transferred to C&DMC department as they were short-handed so for all this while I have been working at C&DMC department. I can't wait for this internship to end! Brace on Jac, 3 more months to go!!

Back to Dss!

Hi people! Finally back to update this little space.

Um so how long have I left my secondary school (Dunearn)? Haha its exactly 4 years since I last stepped into Dunearn and today, my friends and I returned to Dss like finally~ Managed to talk to teachers who once taught us. Of course food is the one that we miss the most!

All-time favourite!

Pictures with our beloved ex-coach.

Happy birthday, Yi Rang! I know that its pretty early for us to give you a birthday cake but I doubt we would be meeting up soon. This lady with red shirt is hitting her 27 in a few weeks time. Ha I can still remember you were 19 when coaching me for netball and that time I was only 14! Omg!! And this year, Im turning 21 years old. See, time really flies like an arrow.

Better late than never.

I can't believe I never blogged about Germaine's awesome birthday celebration. Well its better late than never yea!

Just gonna do this post in point forms.

• Dinner with Liz & Germaine at Itacho, Bugis
• Headed to Amber 21 located at Clarke Quay
• The three of us shared a bottle of Martell and after we were done with Martell, we headed to Frienzie Bistro & Bar @ Tebing Lane to continue drinking with Germaine's friends

Basically that was how we celebrated Germaine's birthday. Here are some of the pictures taken on G's birthday.

One more day to 2012!

In a blink of an eye, we are coming to the end of 2011. I still remember myself flipping the very first month of 2011 of my calender. Frankly speaking, how many of you still remember your revolution for 2011? Haha yes, Im one of those fools and Im trying real hard to recall alright:/

Since its coming to an end of 2011, I should pen down those things that I've done this year.

• Back to school on Jan after a long vacation
• Juggling school, work, netball & family
• Attended Edeliz's baby shower
• My virgin trip to Bangkok on April with Pris, Ruth & Estella
• Attended Elizcia's birthday party
• A sudden change of grpmates
• Worst netballuxion experience
• Got my AX watch for birthday present
• Birthday celebration with Angeline, Estella & Cadence @ Ding Tai Fung
• Genting trip on Dec with Jaslyn, Ruth & Estella
• A mini celebration for 'Dong zhi' with kryp and thanks Sarah for buying us glutinous ball
• Lastly, a mini potluck farewell for 2011 with kryp this Sat @ Kallang

Im really glad that I can still managed to pen down quite a number of things that I have done in 2011. I think its pretty good to keep a journal as journal writing is a personal journey, determined wholly by your own thoughts. A place where your deepest thoughts can reside without fear of judgment, blame, or need of justification. In addition, you can record fresh memories that you see!

Why not keep a journal if you don't already have a revolution for 2012 be it hand writing or blogging:) Hahaha I think is a great idea yea? Give it shot.

Before I end this post, I would say life is not a bed of roses. If you wanted me to describe my life with two words, I would say "eventful" and "traumatized" even though I am this young. It's like a roller coaster-up and down. Only this roller coaster has more downs than ups. Every time I feel down, I worry whether I would feel up again. Right now, Im just looking forward to the next ride up. Im constantly setting goals so that I have something to focus on, work toward and look forward to. No matter how bad things are, there's always something you can do for yourself that will make you feel better, you just have to figure out what that is, be strong, visualize how you are going to feel when you do it, then just go out there and do it.

Today is friday! Have a good weekend ahead people.

Signing off, Jacelyn.